the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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