Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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