An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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