Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize