Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
