i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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