I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
