just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize