dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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