I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
