areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize