Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
