is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
