you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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