ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Vodka?
Forever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
