how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize