When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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