His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
