so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize