dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize