Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I AM VODKA MAN
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
