the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
