So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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