You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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