She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
