In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize