A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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