Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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