Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
