you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
