listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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