@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
