As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
