Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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