nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
