I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
