someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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