that's an acceptable place to lick
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
