i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
