There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
