How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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