he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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