I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
