I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
