Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
