just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My vagina just recognized that song.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
