somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
