I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize