I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
