That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
