we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
