she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
