I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
