Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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