They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
