im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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