im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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