I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
