tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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