If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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