I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
