he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
