I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize