Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
