I wish I could punch you in the face.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
