Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
