upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
