Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize