I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
