I met the friendliest cop last night
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
BRING THE BAGELS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
