my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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