I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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