There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
