please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
