I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
