I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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