All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
