I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
