I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
