Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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