did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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