I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I forget how to act sober
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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