Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
