I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize