I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
