but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
