haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
