bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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