I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
