hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
