There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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