The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
