what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
well you can't waste a boner
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize