I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Never joke about your clitoris.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
