Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
