Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
