It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
