Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
