I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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