whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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