I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
