please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
