After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize