Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
