Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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