mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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