he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
soo... how was my night?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
