If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
