people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
