kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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