I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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