WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
