I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
