Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
