If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
