the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
