forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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